Domestic bliss from Miss Siss

i went to the grocery store today. i was excited about eating morning star veggie hotdogs with Publix hotdog buns. i purchased the buns and the hotdogs. i also purchased some apples, a cucumber, and some lemon flavored seltzer water. i came home and defrosted the veggie hotdogs. then i put one in the microwave and heated it. i placed it in the bun and opened the refrigerator to find my ketchup and mustard. i found the mustard. i realized i was out of ketchup. i was upset. i put the mustard on the veggie hotdog. i ate it. it didn't taste very good. i think i will buy ketchup tomorrow.

love you,
your sis

Bean Sprouts & Futuristic Deathsquads

This story, recently and repetitively requested by dear old David (rather obnoxiously I might add), is story from way back in the vaults of time that time forgot then lost the key, when the only thing I had to worry about was worrying about worrying, trying to remember remembering, and..... buying bean sprouts that were maliciously left on the 99Yen shop shelf well after their expiration date (14 hours). It was 2 months ago.

I had been flying high on an instant ramen tip, eating up that shit 3 times a day because I was too poor to afford real food (or even McDonald's) and mixing in some bean sprouts to add some crunchy healthiness to the otherwise overly salty noodle soup. Well, luck has seen me through some sticky situations recently (like accidentally dropping 3 gooey natto beans on my freshly laundered gray sweat pants [I ended up washing them again] or thinking a deathsquad of stormtroopers from the near future was hunting me like a dog through the streets of Setagaya Ward, Tokyo [just a nightmare; too much chocolate before bedtime], but that fiery vixen, Luck, cast her shadow over me that cool December afternoon and purged me from her Garden in Eden (most likely somewhere near the Jersey Shore north of Atlantic City).

I noticed a funky smell reminiscent of my dad's expired pesticides and herbicides when I shoveled the ginormous pile of pale green bean sprouts into the steaming bowl of ramen; it was not a pleasant smell to say the least and to say the most, that smell sucked donkey balls, but we will leave it at the least to keep up appearances.I hurriedly hurried back down the street to the 99Yen Store and was almost hit by oncoming traffic, which did nothing to appease the mood god that was angrily demanding that aforementioned appeasement inside my empty belly.

I got to store, explained my situation, then the clerk chick blushed & apologized profusely, gave me a new bag of sprouts, and sent me on my way. I opened the bag to get a whiff of the new sprouts which were well under the date of expiry ( 14 hours) and to my surprise they smelled the same!! I realized that they had always smelled like that, so I just discontinued my tri-daily ramen ritual and decided to experiment with tofu.

The sun set successfully on 2007 and I welcomed in 2008 with a heaping helping of tasty tofu!

Bird War is Hell

This story was in a mail from my dear old dad in sunny Florida. Enjoy.

"We were up at Peggy’s yesterday and everyone said to tell you hi. Marie was regaling us all of her story about how she shot a buzzard out of a tree Saturday. Said she shot it right through the head and it dropped like a rock, right to the ground. Then yesterday morning, Kate yelled at her that there were more buzzards out in the tree. Marie ran out in her bathrobe, towel wrapped around her head, wearing flip-flops, grabbed her 410-gauge shotgun, and blasted another one. That one, she only wounded. Said she thinks she probably shot one leg off, because it was listing to one side as it was trying to fly away. Kate was calling her Annie Oakley. I told her she sounded like our mother, who used to shoot snakes with her 22-gauge rifle."

And these people are the Italians..... not even the real hicks in family.......

Dilapidated patio furniture

Betty and Kotone, two of my dear friends, were cordially invited over yesterday night for a scrumptious meal of food cooked up by yours truly (no natto this time). The meal turned out to be a great success and the company was a hit all across the board, but it really struck home how much my apartment furniture sucks; its patio furniture. And to top off the fact that it sucks, its also falling apart. Coming to the realization that you are a grown man eating all your meals in a shitty lawn chair hurts, but the blow was softened by an ice cold Kirin beer.

Too much natto!

Yesterday afternoon I found myself in quite a predicament. I had just returned home from teaching a private lesson and had a heavy hankering for some wholesome natto on toast. The problem consists of this: I had two packets of natto and only one slice of white bread left after my sister ganked one slice, throwing my natto to bread ratio all out of whack. I usually consume two slices of bread with two packets of natto (one packet per slice) per sitting. Natto comes in three packets per pack and bread in six slices per loaf, so I buy two packs of natto and one loaf of bread. Anyway, when faced with this dilemma of epic proportions I decided to top one slice of toasted white bread with two packets of natto, but the results were incredibly yeasty so I tossed the culinary abomination in the trash. I ended up eating some cookies and a Cow Tail for lunch.

The Greatest Stories Never Told!

Well, maybe not, but I sure think my stories are worth telling. Some may agree, but most probably won't. Anyway, this blog was created to highlight the excitement of the seemingly mundane details (adventures) of daily life at home and around my neighborhood (Earth). Most, if not all, of the anecdotes that will be recounted here will be embellished at least a little bit, so take everything you read with a microscopic grain of sodium chloride.